How do you build and keep a relationship going without nurturing it with attention, respect, love, dialogue and all of the other wonderful things that go into a healthy, mutual connection? The answer is you don’t. So as a writer who has been out of touch with her readers for quite a bit of time, please accept my apology. I would like to renew my vow of connection in hopes that from this point forward, we will be building an even richer bond that feeds all that is required of a rewarding relationship for all involved!
I have been neglectful of not only you, but of myself. If you didn’t know this already, truly deep and lasting relationships begin with oneself. Many of you know this already. Some may believe that they are in such a space with themselves. Some may recognize that they need to work on this very thing. This is THE most important part of all relationships! If we do not have a clear respect and love for ourselves, we cannot love others in the same fashion. It is not to say that we may feel, at times, that we have those critical elements. I believe that we are healthier if we do stumble, recognize our mistakes, and then do the necessary work we need to heal and grow from the experience of letting ourselves down. To err is human. We are perfectly imperfect. What makes the difference between growth and insanity is changing our approach when we recognize something is not working. I have the bruises on my head to prove it. (Brick wall…)
On a more serious note, let me expound on why I have been absent and where I have landed from my experiences…
A year ago, at this time I really didn’t think my marriage was going to survive. I won’t go into details in this particular article; however, I will say that I was at my wits’ end with trying my best and it didn’t seem good enough. Of course, there are two sides to every story. My husband felt the same way. What transpired in a very quick and poignant conversation was that we both felt we were giving what we could, we weren’t communicating effectively with one another, and it needed to change one way or another. Separation, divorce, or is the marriage worth saving?
As a couple that works out of our home, homeschooled two children and focuses on our family (which we only had one extended member that lived an hour away up till 3 years ago and the rest are in other states), we were literally up each other’s asses 24/7. As massage therapists with private practices, we don’t exactly rake in the big bucks. We don’t travel much or far, and we usually took our kids everywhere. If it weren’t for a few very dear friends, we wouldn’t have left the house ever without our kids. When I worked, Mark was with the children. When he worked, I was the lucky one. We are so blessed to have been there for our kids the whole time. We never missed a moment of them growing up. We also taught them that mom and dad had to have their time so that we could take care of our own relationship. Mark and I feel we did a pretty good job all the way around.
Recently our youngest decided he wanted to go back to public school and our daughter was double enrolling into early college while finishing her homeschooling high school years. As the both of them were finding their way into new places in the world and within themselves, it gave Mark and I time and space to work together and see what we needed to do to heal our marriage. Calm conversation where we could sit and listen to each other was the biggest key. That can be hard to do when your environment is flooded with different and dissonant noises, topics and energies. There suddenly came some peace and quiet we hadn’t known since the kids were in elementary school. We realized how much we missed it. We revelled in it. I fell off the homeschooling high pretty quickly as my daughter had her schedule and is self-motivated. My son was gone from 9am to 4. We had time for each other. Since then, we have fallen more in love with each other, have new appreciation for each other, and have more respect for what the other one has contributed and compromised over the years.
What is my point in all of this? Being away from writing and not connecting with all of you has made me appreciate how much I miss writing and my desire to connect with more people through this craft I am new to. My time away has allowed me to appreciate that there are still people who ask me to write my stories. I have so much inside to share on many topics. I also have my own experiences in life that I feel would help so many. To hold back would be like holding back in any relationship. How can a bond grow if those involved did not put their hearts and souls into the communion. I am making a vow to myself and to you, my readers; I am committed to sharing what is inside of me that yearns to be told. May my words, thoughts and intentions come across with altruism. May what I write give those who read my contributions a sense of connection to themselves and the world around them with greater love, respect and a deeper appreciation.
Peace and love to you all!!!